a bee got caught in a spiders web i heard its frantic wings against the window trying to get free but as though it were in quicksand it wrestled with inevitability i took a book and placed it between the web and the window and it attached itself to the pages still turning and twisting

i came for mountains and forest and ocean and i got it and it filled me up and i was still empty consuming

I want to write a poem So I stare down at the page Neck taut, slight ache And I wait For it to spill into the pen Blood from the soul of something Blue, even when it meets the air I try again

An ancient Roman might look around at slavery and gladiator violence and wonder — How the hell did things end up like this? Why is it accepted? Can we not imagine another possibility? Well, consider that culture Is the raw material for the mind Each successive generation builds from it Because they are of it

are you happy with your designer kitchen did you make me into some animal so that i could pace around in this cotton jail did you want me to scream at you and throw feces at the door and lets not forget about that time you used my toothpaste

The season of autumn Of falling leaves That give to the soil In death Fall into the wind Let it push through your pores Clean out your skin And wash away the remnants

boy ye little dog ye little festoon upon my shore have thee any wives? none oh i see well how pathetic

can you let me open into you like a sunset that spools across the skyline can you let me have you like the ocean that falls over the horizon and leaks from the north into every orifice of the south

can you rest in the sunshine that burns you and gives you cancer and lemons and grass and butterflies and every thing else imaginable to your eyes can you live in that paradox

did you take the costume off did you remember to go to sleep did you wonder how this day began the way that every day does my body aches for it that rest that place where the dreams of the night arrive where they dance between my eyes

each sip of coffee leaves a ring in my cup like an ancient tree cut that reveals its age in open palm and blood what if i’ll only know in death how far i travelled

every moment passes like an ocean never still always changing i cannot capture it not even in a photograph i worry that in trying

every morning i must remind myself and yet i forget this is not permanent nothing lasts mere sandcastles made of time i find myself

caramel sheep long between high fields of grey i love it

Sleep paralysis at night Effort paralysis by day I feel a little trapped in my body today I told myself it would be a day off But I feel guilty about doing nothing So then I punish myself as I go about doing what I said I was going to be doing today Maybe I only feel worthy when I am doing something Just being is not permitted

I was laid back with eyes shut Hot breath under the stars And I knew he was close I said I wanted to feel him That I was his faithful servant And I heard in a whisper Pain is pleasure Inside you’re whole

How heavy is a capsicum 270 aud to gbp What is celtic Pelvic floor breathing Dub a dub a dub wish I was a theme for Christmas song Russian blue cat Deepak einstein What does a dough hook for a mixer look like

I can feel the contraction in my stomach, the belly rising and falling with each breath (have I put on weight) and I’m back (my arms are smaller, I should go to the gym) breathing through my mouth now and I feel a slight headache (I shouldn’t have had a coffee, I am so undisciplined), a smile that begins in the heart and touches the edges of my lips tenderly as though massaging my face (I’m so pretentious) feet against the floor, they’re warm but there’s a coolness to the edges (what do these french lyrics mean? wait, is this french?, I want to be a musician, i’m pathetic), sharpness in the solar plexus, pressing outwards, my nose feels a little blocked, discomfort (why am i doing this again, who is this for) i feel as though i am in a warm bath, my body floating insde my skin, i love the feeling of my bum against the seat (where did we buy it again? what a bargain) and I sit here, for what could be minutes, i am slow to type, i have nowhere to be, i relax my shoulders, i can feel a warmth in my heart, opening my awareness to all the sensations aroiund me, closiong my eyes, i can type with my eyes closed, arent i clever, here i am, who am i anyway, whgat is this i, thats too deep, follow it down, into the belly, and deeper, this music like a snake charmer, this is all wanks really, and the song ends, and inm left in silence, wait can i touchy type, maytbe this is nonsensical, guitrar strings now, and oi follow my way to spain, i exhale, and im back, in thos body, and back and back into no space at all, i llove it, this all of tyhis, what is it to love, i am enough, 9n want to stop, and enjoy, and be doine, but i continue, i cant know what im writing, where is this voice tahat im hearing, wahtt is the difference between thought and music, why is one mine and the other not, my eyes open, im back in the room, ive run out of ideas, im a hack, stop stop stop stop let me go back, to that state i panic wirting fantically but not sure if ill ever be able to stop what is this language these keyts is any of this real who amiandthisisajokewhoneedsthespacebar. loadds OF SPACE there’s so much we can have it all why be serious so serious where did that game come frpom the one where everything is serious. why not be play. lets play you and i play along wioth me and let go let me be am i free you’are free. father father father forgive me. these words that are forever tied. thy kingdfom come/ i saw on the side of a truck. breath breath breath i forgot to breathe the coffee is hitting let me slow. i slow. slower hands now. i haven’t smelt in a while. piano keys. gentle. whispers. let me feel. just for a while. let me feel freedom again. that taste i remember. nostalgia. like home cooking. grief is a huge wave.

i crawl into my skin like a shadow after noon i will not let you graze my lips with your acerbic songs of death and treason when the sun is bright beyond measure and my eyes trace stardust across billions of years

i live in a castle and i have three onions they are my children i look after them one of them is ready to go to school but im not ready yet to let him go we’ve done a lot of construction work so now we have a slide

I only love you when you’re high When you hold yourself together When you fill yourself up I only love you when you smile When your joy pops out When your eyes are wide with life I only love you when you’re present When I hear your inner silence

I saw a lady walking the beach Arms folded Hugging her jumper Wearily turning to the sea And I wondered What she had lost That made her so sad And then I realised

I saw a lady with a squeegee Meticulously working down glass Light shimmering like diamonds Familiar corner now new As I walked by I heard the words fall out So cleeeeaaaaaannnn And I laughed in surprise

I would hold your hand Gently on those autumn days Walking side by side In that soft, firm clasp I found safety In the journey of the day And you would lead me Push me through the gate

i would like more coffee more chances to be here and not there i would like to smile at old people and forgive the ones who crossed me i would like to cherish

in a moment i return to myself until i turn away back into myself a spiral upwards and downwards

warm water splashes on the rocks timidly desperate to play on the beach running away sand beneath its feet coming and going not realising

it’s hard to hear the sound of a flower opening or know the journey it took to meet our eyes we see the bouquet radiant in bloom

I feel like I'm chasing something A feeling of inner peace That momentary sense of bliss A connection with the divine I suppose for a while I felt vibrations Stronger than I had ever felt before And I expected them to grow With increasing intensity

like a wilting flower my days are gone i decompose and turn my scent to the wind every time your nose pressed against me was the last time

some days i feel open and others i withdraw some days i kiss the earth and other days i fall through

love is a tetrahedron its a playful rhythm between two strings its an undulating belly its a magicians bow it’s the quivering lips of forgotten sorrow

Being with you is feeling like there’s no one else. The stage melts away and the lights become the sun. I hold your gaze deeply and connect to another world. Like looking into a mirror with no edge.

This manic project of 4 years This desperate search It's taken me through countries, relationships, jobs I've climbed mountains, retreated, and driven to the horizon I've bathed myself in morning sunlight and evening storms I've followed my heart across a globe of experience And yet it's as if I've gone nowhere at all I still hold onto something I can't grasp

my fingers in your mouth look at me and i wont blink and ill do it ill pull the trigger ill spit take it

one of the reasons people stay addicted to substance is because they do not integrate the experience there is no dwelling in satisfaction at the end of a cigarette and so the pattern remains uncompleted repeated and repeated and i wonder if the reason

Sometimes I get this shiver I can feel it in my brain And it runs down my spine I don't know if that's normal or not I've been surprised recently By just how different I am I found out tonight that when people do sums in their head They actually see the long division

Relaxed Intense in the sauna heat Thinking of my virtues Boastful And then he approaches And opens the door Slowly emerging into the space Hairs up on my arms

remember the darkest days when you had nothing no money left and yet you applied yourself to jobs day by day

Trauma rings in the body Like tinnitus After a while you forget its there Until those quiet moments When it screams In terror The body tenses up But with a little dissaocitation

sometimes when i look in the mirror i’m reminded that this isn't me that this is technology that within a few hundred years something magical had become common

im pretending not to notice the blood on your shirt and dripping from your lips im pretending not to notice the knife you’re holding im pretending

these few words i thought i would collect them for you they are just sounds that have no volume they are traced across these lines like sand in the sea and i am a sailor and i am the wave

these words don’t belong to me in the same way that nothing ever does this land is not a possession it’s a bridge from this world

this tune this magic in my feet diametric diabolic it swallows its sweetness with an ounce of redemption it swirls you like the vignette of grief

waves crashing against my skull unrelenting each fear more severe paranoia but i didn’t take anything was i dosed no, that makes no sense

we are not led here by design but by the wings of a fallen god and we watch as she does as her creation spirals from the sun into the black abyss we watch

we’re not going to find ourselves in the water we’re going to arrive on the shore brush ourselves off and go in again we’re not home yet we’re just playing

i am nothing i am grey i am miserable i love teal what do you want me to say that i need you that i’m afraid of you leaving me

when I step back and look at my life, at how it’s grown over the last six years I feel the same way about all of the little moves and the big ones all of the people and the conversations all of the time sat in quiet with myself or crying or yelling sitting at a piano with the inner critic at full volume drowning out the sound of the keys

when i was at the gym i wouldn’t notice how i was feeling i wouldn’t notice my muscles i wouldn’t notice the adrenaline / serotinine no i was in my own head i would jump straight into tracking after lifting i’d jump up to the next exercise

whispered the night to the day i am here for you i watch you turn and wait for you the way a bird looks upon the trees the way the moon stirs the seas here in each hand

you did everything you said you would and more you are poison you are the chalice you are buried somewhere for future generations to unpick like crows might a carcass because your bones are weak and could not hold your flesh