i was in my own head
when i was at the gym i wouldn’t notice how i was feeling i wouldn’t notice my muscles i wouldn’t notice the adrenaline / serotinine no i was in my own head i would jump straight into tracking after lifting i’d jump up to the next exercise thinking about work or what people were thinking about me and i’d never feel so i never felt connected to working out i didn’t enjoy it in ways others seemed to it was practical for me i went because it made me look good attractive and i liked that but the process? no thanks headphones in lets power through all about the results baby and so it seems to be in so much of life focused on the outcome and not the effort and that can work for a while but eventually we question why why am i bothering do i even like this this is why i’ve been deepening my exploration of intention i can do the same thing but if my intention is different it can fuel me or burn me for example creating content on the internet was a means to an end sure, i enjoyed it but really, i wanted an audience that was my intention and when i wasn’t getting the results i wanted or when i felt like my work wasn’t resonating it put the breaks on me so i had to walk away from it in totality to see and then return just for the joy of it just for me allowing myself to be free in self-expression allowing myself to see each writing session as a meditation neither good nor bad but a process that i connect with more deeply each time practicing a skill and sometimes it can produce wonderful experiences and sometimes it can produce painful ones but always i show up and i enjoy that i enjoy the satisfaction of application and i marvel at the fruits of it without being consumed by it and so my intention has shifted from creating an audience to creating a creator