a bee got caught in a spiders web i heard its frantic wings against the window trying to get free but as though it were in quicksand it wrestled with inevitability i took a book and placed it between the web and the window and it attached itself to the pages still turning and twisting

i came for mountains and forest and ocean and i got it and it filled me up and i was still empty consuming

a VIRUS is spreading governments have sent us into lockdown for our protection we must stay indoors speak on screens instead of in person but it can’t be contained people have been seen smiling at one another and it’s spreading leaders are worried about its implications

A year ago You adorned me with kisses And swallowed my voice

After the bell rings Everything seems so petty Washed away by God

I want to write a poem So I stare down at the page Neck taut, slight ache And I wait For it to spill into the pen Blood from the soul of something Blue, even when it meets the air I try again

All the lives I’ve lost Each captured in a snapshot Gone in a flash

Although I can’t breathe It feels safer in the dark Shame can’t find me here

An ancient Roman might look around at slavery and gladiator violence and wonder — How the hell did things end up like this? Why is it accepted? Can we not imagine another possibility? Well, consider that culture Is the raw material for the mind Each successive generation builds from it Because they are of it

are you happy with your designer kitchen did you make me into some animal so that i could pace around in this cotton jail did you want me to scream at you and throw feces at the door and lets not forget about that time you used my toothpaste

As the dust settles And I turn over old words I grasp its meaning

August burst open Like a door in the wind Waking me early And tuning over my things In frenetic energy I tripped over myself And in tears and in silence I returned to myself

The season of autumn Of falling leaves That give to the soil In death Fall into the wind Let it push through your pores Clean out your skin And wash away the remnants

Be wary of weeds Ideas bloom from seeds of thought And gardens turn wild

Behind your glass eyes A spotlight is magnified And cast upon life

Between the veil I watch your eyes and wonder To the other side

Blocked inner river Cascading to a pool of shame Darkness in the deep

Body pressed to chest Thighs wide open, blood pumping Muscles bulging, blue

Body shimmering Joy and loss, heart trembling Out poured everything

Bonfire vocals Rising up from molten earth Breaking through the crust

boy ye little dog ye little festoon upon my shore have thee any wives? none oh i see well how pathetic

Bruised in sorrow Desert island treasures Unmapped by the heart

can i breathe into my heart and let it whisper something place your ear to my chest and i’ll tell you that longing you feel i feel it too that hollow you feel i feel it too we’re in this together this machine this organic tree this silver beech

can we pause for a moment and appreciate how magical it is that we can hear sounds from another time and another place in our minds as if our thoughts were music

can you let me open into you like a sunset that spools across the skyline can you let me have you like the ocean that falls over the horizon and leaks from the north into every orifice of the south

can you rest in the sunshine that burns you and gives you cancer and lemons and grass and butterflies and every thing else imaginable to your eyes can you live in that paradox

Canyon cutting through Ground I thought was permanent Heart I thought was true

Caught between two minds Seduced by the sensual Tamed irrational

Cause it likes puzzles My mind created problems Only it could solve

Champagne volcano Bubbling up from the depths Awakening my soul

Choking on regrets Everything that could have been Silenced by my hand

Circle of renewal Summer harvesting winter Fruit, leaves and soil

Clawing up mountains Fingers whittled to the bone Seeking horizons

Clouds brush aside blue Calling the wind to their backs As dawn breaks anew

The universe collapsed into our kiss Folding choc chips in cookie dough A cosmic dance between lips Senses entwined, I became you Briefly, in eternity And I fell through Somewhere, in that space

Come back and haunt me I liked not feeling alone Now I just feel ghosted

Contours inside me Fingers walking the rails Seeing with my hand

Crackling fire logs Burning the chest open Pouring out their grief

Crumbling in public Decaying ancient ruins But more beautiful

Crystal bullet Shattering my illusion Reflecting myself

cupid’s arrow left it’s mark in me and now i bleed for you limping towards his destiny

Cupped in the lake lands Our backs against the long grass Hearts wide to the sky

Dancing in the trees I caught my own reflection Flighty like a bird

Dandelion peaks Naked on the river bed Howling as she sets

Danger at the edge But the views are dazzling One foot on each earth

Dangling balcony Afraid the wind might blow me Afraid you wouldn’t see

Death spills a black ink Old words create new shapes Worlds reimagined

Deep, forgotten well I haven’t drawn your waters Scared of what’s below

did you take the costume off did you remember to go to sleep did you wonder how this day began the way that every day does my body aches for it that rest that place where the dreams of the night arrive where they dance between my eyes

Dizzy, overwhelmed Emails, deadlines and chitchat From another world

does it matter that the ocean stretches out with arms wide open and you sail right across it

Don’t argue their truth Simply experience yours And let it shine through

dont let my heartbreak go to waste i never knew what to do with those words except keep them in my flesh like shards of glass to remind me every time i moved that i had felt something

drip onto the page my darlings grow into words and fly to other souls there’s no place for you here in my heart which is cold and unknown a dark paradise glistening at the edges

Drumming the waves I was there, here, everywhere Shallow in the sound

Dusk fell upon us The city stretching for sleep Final fantasy

Each moment passes A marriage of joy and grief Love and let go

each sip of coffee leaves a ring in my cup like an ancient tree cut that reveals its age in open palm and blood what if i’ll only know in death how far i travelled

Electric voltage Surging beyond my limit Unbearable joy

Electric wire The jolt sends me running Fear fences me in

Embers on fire My self-esteem returning Brightness in the dark

Enveloped in gold Warm smiles and old faces Paint peeling, worn time

Every bridge I’ve burnt Is a bonfire in my heart Dreaming of charcoal

every moment passes like an ocean never still always changing i cannot capture it not even in a photograph i worry that in trying

every morning i must remind myself and yet i forget this is not permanent nothing lasts mere sandcastles made of time i find myself

Everything starts small The majesty of a tree Begins in soil

Exhausted like earth Weary in my bones and skin Hardly holding on

Eyes dragging to the ground Heavy burden of the face Vulnerable, unmasked

Eyes heavy with hope Sheltered from the rain - for now Lingering embrace

fallen broken listen shapen and filthy you were born and died

Falling from her eyes Tears of a young girl, mother Her young boy, leaving

Fear kept me from you While you watched patiently Back to the future

Feet on cold concrete Birds swoop through the canopy In my becoming

caramel sheep long between high fields of grey i love it

Flatlining, boredom Afraid of losing, closing Grappling, with bodies

Floating from heaven Snowflakes fall upon my tongue Clarity at last

Fluttering voices Joy magnetises bodies Echoing reply

Sleep paralysis at night Effort paralysis by day I feel a little trapped in my body today I told myself it would be a day off But I feel guilty about doing nothing So then I punish myself as I go about doing what I said I was going to be doing today Maybe I only feel worthy when I am doing something Just being is not permitted

Get out of your own way Leave the maze by going in Let go of the rules

These gilded waves And butter kissed grass Melt at the shore Memories of you That burn in my heart Embers without warmth In slow decay I should let your hand slip And pull myself to ground But I look longingly To the ocean of my past Still hoping to be found

Give up, the earth said Falling higher and higher Into the darkness

Glass wall between us Love is its own reflection Touch, the warm ocean

I was laid back with eyes shut Hot breath under the stars And I knew he was close I said I wanted to feel him That I was his faithful servant And I heard in a whisper Pain is pleasure Inside you’re whole

God turned a corner Sunlight skimming the water Calling harbour home

Gold poured over you In a moment of stillness Which my eyes could drink

Golden glazed our crowns An evernescent moment Overlooking hills

Hallway transitions Through unexpected doorways Into new spaces

Happiness is born In the cracks of broken hearts Bracing for new life

Have you ever walked by somewhere And suddenly noticed This thing that was always there It captures you In a moment of rapture And lingers with you Like a passenger Invite the ordinary And life becomes extraordinary

Heart in pincer grip Plucked like an arcade toy Too heavy to rise

Heat of the moment In the tightness of sauna I broke through myself

Heavy with despair Longing for resolution Probably in death

Here I am under My duvet covers under My body and skin

Holding space softly Hands cupping a baby bird Willing it to fly

How heavy is a capsicum 270 aud to gbp What is celtic Pelvic floor breathing Dub a dub a dub wish I was a theme for Christmas song Russian blue cat Deepak einstein What does a dough hook for a mixer look like

You arrived like a storm after a hot summer But announced yourself like a cat scratching at my door I let you in and we played cards And after you lost, I decided I should probably let you win You shared poems that were portals to feeling And took me places imbued with meaning You said you had the energy of chaos But seemed more like the butterfly wing Than the hurricane

i am a little red insect on the branch of a tree deep in the jungle i chirp for no particular reason it’s just what i do this parrot may not understand me it may even want to eat me but who am i to judge i’m just a little red insect on the branch of a tree

i am a lost cause a boat on the sea and it sails north because thats where the stars are that’s where the sun sets in the reflection of the waves and i say goodbye to the sinking figures of my past that hit the ocean floor and drag behind like an anchor

i am a tigress i am a lemon grass i am stewarding the joy i am beyond measure you are not going to fall i am only a messenger a gardener of the divine

i am going to find a tube and put you inside it im going to shake it and bury it so that you’ll fizz into the ground and be eaten by worms they’ll crawl through you looking for something else just like you wandered the earth looking for me

I can feel the contraction in my stomach, the belly rising and falling with each breath (have I put on weight) and I’m back (my arms are smaller, I should go to the gym) breathing through my mouth now and I feel a slight headache (I shouldn’t have had a coffee, I am so undisciplined), a smile that begins in the heart and touches the edges of my lips tenderly as though massaging my face (I’m so pretentious) feet against the floor, they’re warm but there’s a coolness to the edges (what do these french lyrics mean? wait, is this french?, I want to be a musician, i’m pathetic), sharpness in the solar plexus, pressing outwards, my nose feels a little blocked, discomfort (why am i doing this again, who is this for) i feel as though i am in a warm bath, my body floating insde my skin, i love the feeling of my bum against the seat (where did we buy it again? what a bargain) and I sit here, for what could be minutes, i am slow to type, i have nowhere to be, i relax my shoulders, i can feel a warmth in my heart, opening my awareness to all the sensations aroiund me, closiong my eyes, i can type with my eyes closed, arent i clever, here i am, who am i anyway, whgat is this i, thats too deep, follow it down, into the belly, and deeper, this music like a snake charmer, this is all wanks really, and the song ends, and inm left in silence, wait can i touchy type, maytbe this is nonsensical, guitrar strings now, and oi follow my way to spain, i exhale, and im back, in thos body, and back and back into no space at all, i llove it, this all of tyhis, what is it to love, i am enough, 9n want to stop, and enjoy, and be doine, but i continue, i cant know what im writing, where is this voice tahat im hearing, wahtt is the difference between thought and music, why is one mine and the other not, my eyes open, im back in the room, ive run out of ideas, im a hack, stop stop stop stop let me go back, to that state i panic wirting fantically but not sure if ill ever be able to stop what is this language these keyts is any of this real who amiandthisisajokewhoneedsthespacebar. loadds OF SPACE there’s so much we can have it all why be serious so serious where did that game come frpom the one where everything is serious. why not be play. lets play you and i play along wioth me and let go let me be am i free you’are free. father father father forgive me. these words that are forever tied. thy kingdfom come/ i saw on the side of a truck. breath breath breath i forgot to breathe the coffee is hitting let me slow. i slow. slower hands now. i haven’t smelt in a while. piano keys. gentle. whispers. let me feel. just for a while. let me feel freedom again. that taste i remember. nostalgia. like home cooking. grief is a huge wave.

i cannot be with this sadness this longing this heartache i cannot fall into it any more than i can fall into his arms

i crawl into my skin like a shadow after noon i will not let you graze my lips with your acerbic songs of death and treason when the sun is bright beyond measure and my eyes trace stardust across billions of years

I decided to replace God With goodness For there is goodness in all of us And though your goodness May look different to my goodness Goodness always feels the same So trust in goodness Because words are meaningless They divide us and limit us But goodness will always prevail

I forgive myself For the pain I cause myself For being myself

i forgot her perimeter and now i walk solo across her desert

i found you again toying with design and art just where i’d left off

i have only whispers in my pocket that tell me what change i’ve lost

I knew I loved you But today I could feel it I hope you did too

i live in a castle and i have three onions they are my children i look after them one of them is ready to go to school but im not ready yet to let him go we’ve done a lot of construction work so now we have a slide

I lost sight of you Emerging from the ocean Waves had broken you

I missed you today I was walking by myself In the fade of footprints

I only love you when you’re high When you hold yourself together When you fill yourself up I only love you when you smile When your joy pops out When your eyes are wide with life I only love you when you’re present When I hear your inner silence

i put my hands to my face in grief and despair and through the gaps of my hands on the keyboard a question mark appears

i read the clouds like tea leaves and make meaning i watch you leave like dad did and write poetry

I saw a lady walking the beach Arms folded Hugging her jumper Wearily turning to the sea And I wondered What she had lost That made her so sad And then I realised

I saw a lady with a squeegee Meticulously working down glass Light shimmering like diamonds Familiar corner now new As I walked by I heard the words fall out So cleeeeaaaaaannnn And I laughed in surprise

I saw in her eyes Starburst flowers in the sky A nighttime bouquet

I smell the flowers With my eyes while my lips kiss The present moment

i thought focus was strain like squinting to look at something far away my whole body became tight and everything else drained away

I threw a stick He didn’t chase after it It’s been ten years

I try and fail I surrender and succeed Okay, I give up

I woke to a dream Snaking from head to tail And slept and slept

I would hold your hand Gently on those autumn days Walking side by side In that soft, firm clasp I found safety In the journey of the day And you would lead me Push me through the gate

i would like more coffee more chances to be here and not there i would like to smile at old people and forgive the ones who crossed me i would like to cherish

If my heart could sing You would hear its melody Parting from your lips

If you only knew How judgemental I was of you You’d judge me too

I’ll give you it all Let the tears and rivers flow Toward desert soul

I’m a free spirit Before this I was contained In my emptiness

I’m downshifting gears Body struggling uphill Numb numb goes anxious

I’m loving myself Creatively, exploring New, old, forgotten

im not going anywhere im just here in this eternal spiral can i soften my body and let go into something else can i fall backwards through time into myself

In a flash of light Shooting pain that stole the sky Left like a comet

in a moment i return to myself until i turn away back into myself a spiral upwards and downwards

In dark closets Short of breath and room to move A young boy grows up

in this cosmic croissant we have a few bites and our fingers are greasy with love for butter

Inspiration strikes From the heavens to the earth And leaves in a flash

Invisible wall What are you that I’m feeling That my mind cannot see

isn’t it odd that when we’re talking we assume people are listening but when others are talking our minds are wandering it leaves me wondering how much has lost in gap

warm water splashes on the rocks timidly desperate to play on the beach running away sand beneath its feet coming and going not realising

it’s hard to hear the sound of a flower opening or know the journey it took to meet our eyes we see the bouquet radiant in bloom

It’s in those moments When a friend pulls back from life That you step forward

Landscape sculpturing Turning driftwood into dreams Inside a child breathes

Leave your warm blankets Said Marcus Aurelius Seize the day? No thanks

I feel like I'm chasing something A feeling of inner peace That momentary sense of bliss A connection with the divine I suppose for a while I felt vibrations Stronger than I had ever felt before And I expected them to grow With increasing intensity

licking my lips is the most sensual kiss

Light of love held us In the shadow of the hill Words where none were known

like a wilting flower my days are gone i decompose and turn my scent to the wind every time your nose pressed against me was the last time

some days i feel open and others i withdraw some days i kiss the earth and other days i fall through

Lion was a cub Fear was a shadow puppet The story was mine

love is a tetrahedron its a playful rhythm between two strings its an undulating belly its a magicians bow it’s the quivering lips of forgotten sorrow

Love is found in loss Each heartbreak an opening Each end, beginning

love lingers in the heart like the end of a note i hold down the key unwilling to let go of the stillness that remembers the song

Love sick and love lost Sun eclipsed and darkness was Innocence in light

Loving the feeling Crying in apology Years gone by

Melting in music The river used to drown me Look mum! I’m floating

Mental possession Stimulating regression Boring obsession

Mentos dropped in coke Reality, fantasy Ready to explode

merely a reflection no time for love when i have bills to pay

mirror moon daytime noon i lost myself and found myself in a dream that felt like this so what’s a dream if it’s all like this mirror moon mirror moon

Mirror world inside Where the echoes ring louder In the doorway home

Being with you is feeling like there’s no one else. The stage melts away and the lights become the sun. I hold your gaze deeply and connect to another world. Like looking into a mirror with no edge.

This manic project of 4 years This desperate search It's taken me through countries, relationships, jobs I've climbed mountains, retreated, and driven to the horizon I've bathed myself in morning sunlight and evening storms I've followed my heart across a globe of experience And yet it's as if I've gone nowhere at all I still hold onto something I can't grasp

My eyes are shut tight But I know that you are there Tiger of the night

my fingers in your mouth look at me and i wont blink and ill do it ill pull the trigger ill spit take it

My hands held in yours Each mask dropping to the floor Exposed and raw

My heart on show Stripped and under spotlight With nowhere to go

my heavy heart wants to be held but it’s afraid it’s too much to hold so it sinks into my chest and i sink deeper into my bed in rest

My life is rhyming And I’m dancing like a fool To the same damn tune

My mind gets focus If I lose myself - who wins? It’s a slot machine

My world in pieces Plane ride to the other side Only I remain

Nerves like guitar strings Plucked by your name, resonant Feeling discordant

Now invisible Castles litter the beach Time turning to sand

Nude under stage lights The dream you’re waking up to Rehearsing endings

Ocean to third eye Jewel along the thread of spine Feeling, alive

On my fourth spoonful I cried for the end of things While you ate your soup

one by one i’m lighting candles in the dark because i like candles i like the way they burn the heat the light the way the flames dances in impermanence

one of the reasons people stay addicted to substance is because they do not integrate the experience there is no dwelling in satisfaction at the end of a cigarette and so the pattern remains uncompleted repeated and repeated and i wonder if the reason

Sometimes I get this shiver I can feel it in my brain And it runs down my spine I don't know if that's normal or not I've been surprised recently By just how different I am I found out tonight that when people do sums in their head They actually see the long division

Overwhelm feels A little bit like nothing Piled on top of me

part of me always shines when i see you

Particles of sound Waving across the church Merging into joy

I received a message from the past today From me, a year ago He took the time to write To let me know that I’m never alone That each moment supports the next That each me is a thread in the weave And I can reach through time To lend a hand when I’m in need So this poem is a gentle reminder For all of us From me, a year ago

past lives belong to this life i have died a dozen times and i will die again i breathe and i let go i do not hold onto the breath because it gives me life i let it go so i can breathe again

Pebbles in a pond Each moment dropping away Leaving peace behind

Pendulum swinging Back to the weight of the past Forward, backward, grasp

Petals of my heart Under the vastness of sky Holding what was

Peter died last year And though I never met him I’ve seen his shadow

Pinned to the decking Heavy under grey clouds Others’ belonging

Pulled by naked thread Back to her quiet garden Where I lay unrooted

Pulling at my leg As I run to the finish line Little boy cries, “wait!”

Put pen to paper And let the ink spill like blood Until it heals

Red rocks in my throat My voice drowning in the waves Yet you still hear me

Relaxed Intense in the sauna heat Thinking of my virtues Boastful And then he approaches And opens the door Slowly emerging into the space Hairs up on my arms

remember the darkest days when you had nothing no money left and yet you applied yourself to jobs day by day

Repetition kills novelty Gratitude becomes expectation Magic, mundane

Rest is best in bed Where the clouds pass softly Pillows under head

Ridges on seashells Sand dunes and cresting blue waves Fingerprints of God

Rock pooling at night With their head torches turned on Gazed upon by stars

Rocking with each wave Losing direction and speed Pulled apart by breeze

Trauma rings in the body Like tinnitus After a while you forget its there Until those quiet moments When it screams In terror The body tenses up But with a little dissaocitation

Seeing through her eyes Abstraction discoloured My hands red with guilt

Self-medication My shelves are stacked with self-help Cause I can’t help myself

Sex in my skin Under the covers of flesh Where pleasure begins

Shadow games up high Walking the lines of last year In here - not out there

Shaking indignant Everything I left behind For this little life

shame and yet this open pain in my heart is what lets the music in

Shame hides from me Like sunlight in the wind Burning invisibly

Shame I shouldn’t feel Fear I’ll fall forever Back into the black

Shavings of light grey Protected by canopy Watching rainbows grow

She looks upon him Radiant mother and son Turning his cheeks gold

Shoes off and shaded Amongst the urban chaos Green grass oasis

Shrinking inside me Connecting to nobody Waiting to be seen

Shrouded in darkness Memories with no picture Barely a feeling

Singing became me And I didn’t doubt myself I was free at last

Sitting in sunlight Bathing in the sounds of birds Turning outside-in

Here upon my skin The drawings of a child Red crayon pressed deep Scribbled lines Pockmarks and crators He doesn’t speak through me For fear of being silenced Quietly sketching his anger Until my whole body bruises And I can no longer hide my shame

Slow down Does not mean what you think it means Stop trying to slow your racing mind Literally slow down your body Walk slower Reach for your cup slower Breathe slower And a funny thing happens Your thoughts slow down to catch up

Small amongst bent trees Whispering they knew me In distant memory

Smile, it’s ok You keep talking, I don’t leave So I float away

Soft on the pine leaves Footprints with no direction Lost, together lost

Soil burnt by sky I leant in close next to you Swallowed up by fear

Some poems are pretty Some poems are short Haikus are pretty short

Something shatters When you’re people watching And you look up And you realise You too are being watched And in a moment of recognition The observer and the observed Collapse Into a smile and a wave

sometimes when i look in the mirror i’m reminded that this isn't me that this is technology that within a few hundred years something magical had become common

Sparklers in my hands My toes, my belly and heart Creating again

sparkling water is best when the bubbles shoot from the depths to the surface and out in a plume with a message for you bring your ear in close and listen

Spiders on the skin Brush one off but it lingers Pin pricks all over

Squeeze out perfection Soft body becomes brittle No toothpaste, no luck

Stairways in nature Humans in kaleidoscope Vortices collapse

Stars separated In the ocean of space Blinded by their own light

Steam rising inside Boiling over into rain Running downstream

stillness caught by surprise in the hands of love and out into new

Stones and spiral shells Old tails and ghostly songs Washed up beaches

Stop trying Just fall Fall until you fall no further Until distance becomes sound And you land Not with a thud But a whisper: I’m here

Stroking the ceiling I carry it to the car Bye, bug ridden plant

sugar coat me paint me make me fat with compliments and i’ll go where you are because you want me to

Sugar snap river Meditating on pressure Red ball of fire

Sun struck the rain drops Sky ablaze with fireflies He danced among grace

sunlight against my portrait i want to touch it but im afraid it will come away on my fingers and destroy it so i watch from a distance my own life on canvas changing by light

Sunsets, tears streaming Screaming down the motorway I was abandoning me

sunshine on my lips you kiss me into a black hole and for a while all we know is touch and sound until our eyes open and we’re here again laughing

Swiping, my blood boils Swiping, I can’t look away Swiping, I refresh

Taking off wet clothes Settling by the fire Drying out the past

Tangled under limbs Breaking free in a cry No longer a boy

Teardrop on your cheek Your pain is too much for me Our past is history

Tender hand holding Across the coffee table Writing my story

The clouds had come To reveal the warmth of light And forgotten sun

The dam burst open Old songs pouring over me Fresh and trembling

The end of Fitzroy Bright lights, loud noise and peacocks I’ll miss you. You won’t

The flower whispered I love you, I love you not As each petal dropped

im pretending not to notice the blood on your shirt and dripping from your lips im pretending not to notice the knife you’re holding im pretending

The light switched back on I can see where I’m going With eyes turned inwards

the sun is the fire we gather around at night

The unknown is beautiful She said to me With a tender smile

There is just today Don’t think about your lifetime It’s too far away

these few words i thought i would collect them for you they are just sounds that have no volume they are traced across these lines like sand in the sea and i am a sailor and i am the wave

these words don’t belong to me in the same way that nothing ever does this land is not a possession it’s a bridge from this world

They say we grow up But really we grow out And play hide and seek

Thick, heavy and slow Rain outside the window No body, never mind

This heavy blanket Draped around my shoulders Depression at night

this tune this magic in my feet diametric diabolic it swallows its sweetness with an ounce of redemption it swirls you like the vignette of grief

Tied up in ribbons Words catch fire together Poetry the ash

Tingling in my toe Swimming like fish in water Till I had to let go

Tiredness shields Heavy on subtle fields Beckoning backwards

To the right, with joy To the horizon and back In the room, standing

Torn between oceans My heart pulls against the wind Steering me back home

Torn open in two Feeling every drop of rain Pulling back from you

Trees roaring in the wind Raging at the injustice Swept up by the roots

Trembling little bird Wingless in the palm of hand Frightened by your flight

Tumbling white rapids Adrenaline in story Ascending new peaks

TV promises Commodified fantasy Hollowed out dreams

Under dazzling stars Eyes twinkling to the ocean A new earth is born

Walk with your eyes closed When there’s no map to follow And feel your way home

Walking on eggshells Friendships crushed under my feet Harvesting soil

Warm ocean of sound Surround the lost buoy floating Waves calling him home

waves crashing against my skull unrelenting each fear more severe paranoia but i didn’t take anything was i dosed no, that makes no sense

we are not led here by design but by the wings of a fallen god and we watch as she does as her creation spirals from the sun into the black abyss we watch

We brushed past each other Your smile and soft voice warmed me Cold from the rain

We cried together In our own worlds, reaching out In butterfly creek

We doubt happiness But life is so much better When we doubt fear

we see branches as different to roots but they are the same just as the mind is the same as the body

Peace is a weapon of love Time an instrument of the divine Death the breath of life Grief with nowhere to go Magic gives face to the unknown Anger, unfulfilled hope Solitude a waking state of rest Poetry the fruit of trauma Logic chisels against marble Where story whispers to the heart Ego is the hand puppet of god Presence is all that we’ve got

Weary of our time Everything promised by night Switched off in a day

we’re not going to find ourselves in the water we’re going to arrive on the shore brush ourselves off and go in again we’re not home yet we’re just playing

What body do I trust? This one? Or the frozen one? Where the past lives on

i am nothing i am grey i am miserable i love teal what do you want me to say that i need you that i’m afraid of you leaving me

what is it about time that creates distance what is it about distance that creates perspective such that i can see myself more clearly then than i can now

when I step back and look at my life, at how it’s grown over the last six years I feel the same way about all of the little moves and the big ones all of the people and the conversations all of the time sat in quiet with myself or crying or yelling sitting at a piano with the inner critic at full volume drowning out the sound of the keys

When I try to move a spider From my hand to the ground And it runs away from my fingers Not realizing I’m trying to help it I wonder if I’m ever like that In the hands of God

when i was at the gym i wouldn’t notice how i was feeling i wouldn’t notice my muscles i wouldn’t notice the adrenaline / serotinine no i was in my own head i would jump straight into tracking after lifting i’d jump up to the next exercise

when the light strikes you a bead of precious gold hangs gracefully from your chin and as my eyes focus a pinprick opens up in space and stars appear in daylight

Where was I today When I sat behind the screen Control alt delete

whispered the night to the day i am here for you i watch you turn and wait for you the way a bird looks upon the trees the way the moon stirs the seas here in each hand

Why are some flowers More beautiful Than others

Why do you deserve Everything I’ve tried to earn Everything I’m not

With lips in my heart I sang to hear myself speak Of sorrow and grief

Wobbling like the waves Resisting the fearful shore Anchored to the depths

Wolf cubs together Rising moon under blankets Watching fairy lights

Wolf of the full moon Howling at all I’ve wronged Longing to be loved

Wrong side of bed Hiding under covers Fuck the day, I said

Yarn ball connection Wrapped up like we knew each other One thread apart

Yellow cheek daisies Too much for the stars to hold Too little to know

Yesterday’s colour Bleeding chokehold collar Faceless, pale and grey

you did everything you said you would and more you are poison you are the chalice you are buried somewhere for future generations to unpick like crows might a carcass because your bones are weak and could not hold your flesh

you hold yourself so tightly you’re longing to be seen but not looking at yourself

You made love to me Like we had a thousand lives Remembering us

You made my world big When the walls were closing in Horizontal passenger

You spoke through friends Urging me forward, gently Love on the lips of the wind

you’ll find it there where every other whispered god lives like a legend