It was me
I saw a lady walking the beach Arms folded Hugging her jumper Wearily turning to the sea And I wondered What she had lost That made her so sad And then I realised It was me 2025 as i let go of you now i look back at everything that you helped me to let go of then every time i cried or got angry or went numb you encouraged me to keep going calling from the other side of these deep, painful feelings until i found lightness and space where once i felt heaviness we had agreed that this would be the year of allowance because i was fed up of trying of striving of beating myself up and so i let you carry me back into the workforce resistant though i was and then i let you take away my motivation to do anything and i allowed myself just to be to let go of this pressure to prove myself to feel like i had to be creating to make something of myself to let go of the idea that my life had to make any sense to anyone except myself i allowed you to take away my lover and then my closest friend i allowed you to take away my ambition as my sense of status came to an end perhaps i didn’t trust you fully but i was learning to trust myself realising that things may not work out but that i would handle it whatever it was whatever conflict arose whatever money sank away whatever shame emerged and doubt was in my throes i let myself be and felt everything unseen committed to meditation and messy self-expression asking for help and humbling myself and as the months passed by and more of me fell away something grew inside expanding until one day i felt it truly my wholeness my undoing