reflections

i look around

and very few people look back

as though children

peekaboo!

i can’t see you

and you can’t see me

yet i’m guilty of it too

i sat down at this table in a cafe

to write this

whatever this is

and i didn’t acknowledge the other people sat here

why didn’t i introduce myself

with a simple hello

a ritual unbroken

for millenia

i did not sense an opening

i tell myself

no one turned towards me

and i didn’t want to disturb them

this ancient baton

slipping from my grasp

it’s hard to unwind this conditioning

i’ve spent the last six years

learning how to look at people

when i walk down the street

but it still happens

that when someone catches my eyes

i may turn away

embarassed?

ashamed?

something so reflexive it’s hard to control

and by the time i look back

the moment has passed

i do not need permission

to love

i tell myself

i am not ashamed

of my own words

i write down

on my phone

and then a little experience

in a cafe

teaches me

that i have a long way to go

i used to judge people

“unawakened”

“addicted to their phones”

“self-centred”

can’t they just look up

can’t they just look at me

what are they so afraid of

but today i see myself in them

i am all of those things

judging

what i do not like in the mirror