Horizon

Yesterday came over me like a hot air balloon over the horizon

New things felt possible, which really were old things revisited

But inbetween a sleep, everything changed

I woke up today in a new feeling, which really is an old feeling

A background hue of sadness, layered with the blues and yellows of loss and longing

I recognise this palette from my youth

The avoidance setting in, the desire to sleep in, to procrastinate

My body doesn’t lie and anxiety shows up as eczema on my hands

I lay in bed with compassion for myself

And eventually sit down to meditate

After reconnecting within, I ask what most needs my attention

And this feeling emerges in my hands

This fear of loss

It’s as if everything that I was inspired to explore yesterday was suddenly material

And now I could lose it all between my fingers

Better that I don’t even try

I can’t have my dreams taken away from me if they stay with me as dreams

So I leave them there on the pillow

The illusion of control

And yet

This time, things feel different

I needn’t resist resistance

Nor need I colour myself in this feeling

So I’ll be with it a while

Not writing new thoughts

But simply being with what is