Feel the fear and do it anyway

A classic.

My mum gave this to me when I was 20. I was struggling with depression and couldn’t see a way out.

Reading this book helped me to take responsibility for my life. To not see myself as a victim.

And as I started to make small changes - doing the odd pencil sketch, going for a run - I started to feel momentum build in my life that carried me out of the darkness.

So much wisdom in the title of the book alone.

Here are my notes:

Taking responsibility means not blaming yourself. It is important to understand that you have always done the best you possibly could, given the person you were at any particular time.
At every moment you are choosing how you feel. The whole day is up to me!
No-lose model of decision making: each path has nothing but goodies along the way. These are opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be and what you would like to do in this life. Each path is strewn with opportunities despite the outcome.
Finding out what you don’t like is paradoxically as valuable as finding out what you do like.
If you don’t change direction you’re likely to end up where you’re heading
To get richness in all areas of your life: commit 100% and act as if you count

5 truths about fear:

The fear will never go away so long as I grow
The only way to get rid of the fear is to go out and do it
The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it
Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from helplessness

Pendulum Syndrome: when we start learning something new, we swing from passive to aggressive until eventually we reach healthy assertiveness. We allow children the space to test new ways of relating to the world yet we are hard on ourselves when we go through the same process. We go through fearful new stages of life and as we do so we can flounder about.

No lose decision process: I can’t lose. Regardless of the decision I make, there is a place for opportunity for learning and growing.

Before making a decision:
- Focus on the no-lose model
- Do your homework
- Establish your priorities
- Trust your impulses
- Lighten up
After making a decision:
- Throw away your picture
- Accept total responsibility
- Don’t protect, correct

Your goals constantly change throughout life. If you are having trouble clarifying them, don’t worry. It may take more experimentation with different situations to discover your priorities. It is through confusion that you will finally come to clarity.

Seven ways to reclaim your power:

Avoid casting blame on an outside force for your bad feelings about life. Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or actions
Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control. You are doing the best you can and you are on the way to reclaiming your power
Be aware of when and where you are playing the victim role. Learn the clues that are telling you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing or feeling.
Familiarise yourself with your biggest enemy: your chatterbox. Turn it into a friend
Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck”. Paradoxically when you find them you will find yourself unstuck.
Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you. You’ll be waiting a long time
Be aware of the many choices you have, in feelings and actions, in any situation that comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.

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