That treacly, sneaky, leaky time

can you believe it

it’s almost been a year

since the last time we all said

i can’t believe it’s almost been a year

where did it all go?

that treacly, sneaky, leaky time

what have you done with your year?

have you done enough?

are you enough?

probably not

perhaps there is more you should plan to do next year

to brush away the fear of being inadequate

of wasting another year

another year wasting your time waking up, breathing, making breakfast, looking out windows, speaking to friends, making plans and living in dreams, wondering, thinking, going to the gym, getting out into nature (although not enough), feeling angry, feeling tired, watching TV, earning an honest living, aging and occasional marvelling

yes, what a waste

you could be so much happier than you are right now

you don’t have enough

that’s the problem

it’s all out there

and if you could just manoeuvre a few things

and shift the way you secretly like to be

then you wouldn’t feel so incomplete

so it’s time to reflect

and write down some aspirational new years resolutions

and joke with everyone you know that no one ever keeps their resolutions

80% of people break them by the third week of January, don’t you know?

oh yes, that’s why I don’t bother

have you read atomic habits?

no but i’ve read the summary online

i’ve been meaning to read it for a while

it’s great

oh ok, i’ll add it to my list

(and do nothing with that list)

yes this is a joyous occasion

the new year

which feels like the same new year as last year

tingling with possibility

fizzing with expectation which bursts over into a hangover and a tinge of disappointment

but —

every day is a new year

let’s remember that

let’s wonder

just for a moment

what if i had enough?

what if i could be happy for no reason?

what if i allowed myself to feel ordinary?

as ordinary as the next breath

but this time you pay attention to it

and suddenly it feels extraordinary

that coolness

that freshness

that aliveness

that wonderful exhale and release

that exhale you get arriving home after a long day

and you change into your comfortable clothes

and sink down into the couch

that feeling

except you’re sinking down into yourself

feeling an itchiness on your skin

an ache in your foot you’ve been ignoring

a knot in the belly

and you’re hearing the birds again

or maybe the hum of the fridge

and you look around you

as if you had just been replanted into this body

as if you had just been given a second chance

after a very long time away

and the running water in the tap is a marvel against your skin

and the fridge is full of delicious food

and you cherish it

this second chance

to be alive

knowing

that every day is a new year